Efforts to prevent an unmitigated disaster

When I try to forget you, things fade slowly,
but then explode and thrash my new found silence.

When I force myself to remember, there is nothing
but your once-loving eyes and my breath being wasted.

When I study the subject of us, every single piece is a [formula,
but they cannot fit together and my pain is a riddle.

When I enquire into the metaphysics, there is nothing of [sense
but then I never supposed my love was sensible or wise.

When I stop fighting, you overcome me wholly,
but that is nothing more than drowning slowly.

When I build walls there is no greater silence
but the world is worn and tiresome. 

When I do not try, nor study, nor fight
When I let go, when there is a space in between
You leave me all over again and that is a void my being cannot endure.